Guest Post - Nerdspeak - KPJ

 In reality the situation didn't get so nerdy but I couldn't stop to pen it's extension!

DAY 1 (THE BEGINNING)

Me: You know why I “text”ed you, right?

She: No

Me: So was the “No” for dinner or you had no idea what I was talking about?

She: No for both

Me: Ohh :( ... So are we gonna ever meet before the Universe decelerates to singularity?

She: No

Me: And if the Universe bounces back & forms Earth-like planet again with creatures like you & me - then would you meet?

She: I might think then

Me: But it will take, if LQG is correct, at least 14.5 billion years for the universe to collapse and 14.5 billion years to form you and me... that makes a total travel time of 29 billion years!

She: LQG?

[NOTE: She didn't even read the main part of the text! Or probably she misunderstood LQG with lmao]

Me: Loop Quantum Gravity

[NOTE: I waited for 5 minutes and she didn't reply me back]

Me: Aahhh... what if an anti-you & anti-me are taking dinner in a parallel universe?

She: I don't care

Me: But then there action creates waveforms that superimposes in our universe... and hence the probability of the wave function describing our dinner increases?

[NOTE: I believe she didn't understand the point of my last text and hence didn't reply. But I was far from giving up]

DAY 2 (THE EXPECTATIONS)

Me: Hey I have a much cooler and nerdier plan! Do you wanna come for Star gazing open house tonight?We can literally watch supernova remnant and globular clusters with telescope!

[NOTE: I was careful not to use abbreviations like SNR and GC. Also I thought she might find it extremely romantic when I show her that the line joining last two stars of Big Dipper constellation coincides with the Polar star. I was having all sorts of goosebumps but...]

She: No

Me: We might witness a miracle like optical signals from an alien (as there are more than 300 exo-solar planets) or might see Betelgeuse explode! :P

[NOTE: If she was an astronomer/physicist she knew I was making things up as optical signals can't travel to far or etc... I thought I could excite her “normal mind” with these words but without even carefully reading my text she went...]

She: I don't believe in miracles

[NOTE: She tried to be rational like “me”... As an usual habit, when I don't know what to say, I simply shoot a quotation of Einstein or someone equivalent. It usually never matches with the situation but I thought she might just concentrate on the main words.]

Me: "There are only two ways of living life: as though nothing is a Miracle, or as though everything is a Miracle!" - AE

[NOTE: No reply... I guess she didn't get the point of the quote (if there was any) and neither did I wanted to miss the open house. So I stopped bugging]

DAY 3 (THE CONCLUSION)

[NOTE: This time I knew I shouldn't be nerdy but...]

Me: You know you are like a boson!

She: What???

Me: I mean you are neither in a quantum state of being “beautiful” nor being “nerd”

[NOTE: I pressed the “send” button incidentally]

She: WTF

[NOTE: The reply came faster than ever before]

Me: My bad... sentence left incomplete :P ... I mean you are both beautiful and intelligent... as if you can be in both the quantum states and contradict Pauli Exclusion Principle!

[NOTE: I didn't get into technical details that she followed the Bose-Einstein statistics and hence be in both the quantum states. Anyways she didn't reply for few minutes...]

Me: My empirical observations suggest that you generally don't reply my text message as you can't understand my emotions.

She: What emotions? Say clearly

[NOTE: I was waiting for this instance]

Me: You know you have made my life like a Heisenberg's particle... I am living life filled with uncertainty! I know I like you and I also want to be with you but Nature is not permitting me either of that... Now you say what should I do?

She: Get a life

Me: But... never mind!

[NOTE: I wanted to say to her that she just described a paradoxical statement as “I am living” is equivalent to “having a life” and to get a life I have to first die and then find a life... NEVER MIND! Such is sad tale of mine :( ]

- KPJ